Anybody who cares about the healthy sexual and character development of children should read the report, Teens and Pornography issued earlier this year by the organization Common Sense Media.
The report was based on a representative national survey of 1,300 teenagers ages 13 to 17. Some of its troubling findings:
Common Sense Media founder and CEO James Steyer, in his introduction to the Teens and Pornography report, said the findings should be a wake-up call to parents and other caregivers: "We need to consider conversations with teens about pornography the same way we think of conversations about sex, social media, drug and alcohol use, and more."
The finding that teens said they had viewed "what appears to be rape, choking, or someone in pain" won't surprise anyone who has read the book Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality by Gail Dines, a Wheelock College sociology and women's studies professor. In more than two decades of speaking and writing about pornography, Dines finds that most women and some men - including parents - have no clue how violent and misogynist hard-core online pornography has become.
A 2007 content analysis, "Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography," examined 50 of the most-rented internet videos. It found an average of 12 abusive acts inflicted on female performers per scene. Gang rape was common. The number of sexual partners ranged from one to nineteen.
Until now, any child in America has been able to access the most extreme pornography by simply answering "yes" to the question, "Are you 18?" This is a public health problem that cries out for a public policy solution. Some states are currently considering age-verification laws that would protect minors.
The Common Sense Media survey found that 50 percent of the teenage respondents said they felt "guilty or ashamed" after they watched pornography. But half did not. Nearly 8 in 10 said viewing pornography was helping them "learn how to have sex."
Teens and Pornography cites other recent research (e.g., Rothman et al., 2021; Wright et al., 2021) showing that youth consumption of pornography is associated with:
If you have an elementary or preschool-aged child, I recommend Kristen Jenson's gentle read-aloud picture books, Good Pictures Bad Pictures (ages 7-12) and Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr. (ages 3-6). Jenson (2014) points out that kids all over the world tragically begin viewing hard-core internet pornography before parents even consider talking to them about its dangers. Among the examples she cites:
Jenson's Defend Young Minds website provides lots of tips and resources for parents and educators. In their character development and media literacy efforts, many middle schools, high schools, and colleges have made use of Fight the New Drug, a resource that provides links to studies on pornography's harmful effects.
Families and schools can use also use cutting-edge technology blockers to help protect children from pornography. These vary in effectiveness. One challenge is that sexually explicit content is no longer is limited to pornography websites. "Canopy" is software designed to work on smartphones, tablets, and computers and make it possible for homes and schools to experience porn-free use of the Internet.
CEO and Canopy creator Sean Clifford gives an example of what it can do: "If your kid receives a text message with a sexual image, Canopy can filter it out. If your kid tries to snap an inappropriate photo of himself or herself, Canopy will lock the image and send the parent a warning."
Asked, "Why do you care so much about this?" Clifford responded:
"My wife and I have four children. We want to give them a chance to be kids. We want to provide them the space to develop a healthy understanding of intimacy. We would love for them to meet a great person, get married, and have happy marriages. All of those things become significantly harder in a world saturated by pornography. "
As someone who cares about families flourishing, I think pornography is one of the greatest challenges we have to confront. It causes a tremendous amount of suffering, warps imaginations, impedes healthy relationships, destroys marriages, and more. This is borne out by survey research, medical studies, and a thousand heart-breaking anecdotes I could share."
As I emphasize in How to Raise Kind Kids, parents and schools also need to develop children's inner control: their conscience. That's what they will carry within them into the wider world, where porn is now ubiquitous. We need to talk to them about why pornography is wrong, dangerous, and potentially addictive - and something never intentionally to let into their minds, hearts, and souls.
Besides sharing some of what research has found, here are some things we can consider saying:
Schools can teach the dangers of pornography as part of media literacy and/or digital safety. Education about pornography's harms should also be accompanied by character-focused "sexual risk avoidance education," using a text such as Sex and Character by Deborah Cole and Maureen Duran.
The Teens and Pornography report shows that schools need to step up to the plate and deal with the growing problem of students viewing porn during school hours, even in classrooms and on school devices. Ask your child's school if they have seen the Teens and Pornography report and how the school is addressing porn use during school.
Adults won't be able to solve that problem acting alone. Solving problems in the peer culture requires shifting peer norms, and that requires mobilizing positive peer pressure so that it becomes "cool" to do the right thing. See below for a link (http://www.raycenter.drake.edu/smart-and-good/) to case studies of award-winning schools that have involved students as partners in creating a schoolwide culture of character.
Teens and adults struggling to quit pornography can find therapists and self-help groups that specialize in this. There are also effective strategies, such as Covenant Eyes (http://www.covenanteyes.com/), that involve having an accountability partner. The Harvard Medical School psychiatrist Kevin Majers provides a free program (http://www.overcomingcravings.com/), with modules on character-strengthening strategies such as reframing, mindfulness, and self-control.