This article is the first in a series from the blog of Women Speak For Themselves about why women of all ages and stages in life need to talk about sex, and why it should be connected to marriage and kids. In our distorted sexual culture, it often feels easier to bow out of these discussions, even with people we hold dear. We can assume that they've heard our perspective before. But an "it doesn't matter" attitude, or an exaggerated modesty, can prevent many women in need from hearing the truth about sex from someone they respect. Here's a first piece from WSFT founder, Helen Alvare.
Maybe you thought you had "aged out" of talking to other people about sex, now that you're married and in your 40s or 50s or older. Sorry, but you're wrong. Every survey says you have the happiest sex lives in America, and your country needs you! By which I mean that women between their teens and their 30s need you.
They're pretty much hearing about sex all the time. But they're hearing about it from (fill in your favourite mind-numbing celebrity or women's magazine here). Consequently, they're not hearing much sense.
In particular, in the United States, the loudest voices on sex regularly abstract - and chemically separate - sex from the rest of life. They separate it from children and from marriage too, and turn it into….what? Erotic performance? Attraction or pleasure? The spark that might start a "relationship"? Compensation for an otherwise dull existence? Romantic completion? A glimpse of pure freedom? STOP!
Sex simply cannot bear all this weight. It was never meant to be every rose in the bouquet of happiness, or all the excitement in life or an out-of-body experience. It was never meant to be "other worldly" or in service of purely emotional or mental happiness. For goodness sakes, it is a physical act and the place where babies are made, and kin networks are shaped. Sex by its very nature has its feet firmly on the ground, even as it also has its head in the clouds.