Fatherhood, Anger, And The Struggle For Sanctity

Jeremy Vidmar

When our wedding day was approaching I thought (though I would not have said it out loud) that I was going to be an awesome husband. Same thing when we were preparing for our first child to be born. I thought I was going to be the best dad, always caring, always affectionate, always there as the best version of myself.

Fast forward 5 years…3 kids later and here I am in the bathroom with my three year son whom I brought in here so that he would not wake up his sisters because of his crying and screaming tantrum. I can tell you that my ‘best version’ was not there. Not even close. I got angry. I got frustrated. I lost my temper. I was able to stop myself before I said or did something I would have regretted later, but I was fuming. I cracked open the door and asked my wife for a break. She came in and I not only left the bathroom, but even stepped outside into the frigid winter air to take a breath.

Anger is real. It is dark. And it is in me. I stood there on the deck and looked up at the stars half praying, half talking to myself I asked, “What is going on here?” Then it hit me, “Raising these kids is just as much about making me a holy man of God as it is about making them holy children of God.”

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